Personal Testimony

I was born into a nominal Islamic family/background. Although my parents did not pray every day, they observed the Islamic rituals such as sacrificing a lamb every year and giving alms to the poor. I have always believed in the existence and sovereignty of God and at the age of 13 insisted to follow Islam as my way to worship God.

As a Moslem, I tried to please God by living a good life, observing the food restrictions as best I could and I hated everything that was against the laws of Islam. I learned to justify and overlook my own sins by saying " we are all human and we all have sinned".

One night, in the midst of an ongoing family crisis, my family was informed of a very bad situation that negatively affected our circumstances. Immediately, I called out to God in my heart and to my surprise an invisible presence of deep peace enfolded me and my heart began to race and I knew that God had heard my prayer and that it was going to be answered. Now I had never been sure of an answered prayer before but this time I was confident that God had heard me. As a Moslem, you always pray and say "Inshallah" which means "if God is willing" but this was a new experience for me to know that God had heard me and I loved the sense of peace that accompanied this experience.

That night as I prayed in the Moslem way, I thanked God for His response to my prayer and I vowed to try and please God as best I could for the rest of my life. I longed to know the peace that had invaded my being and I asked God to let me relive this peace in my heart and my prayer times.

For the next six years I read the Koran, prayed five times a day and fasted during the month of Ramadan. I longed to feel the peace I had known that time many years ago. I did pray to know God more and please Him in the way I lived my life.

During my first year at university in England, most of my friends were Christians because they were the rare group of people who did not want to get drunk and were not into sex and drugs. I liked the way they lived, I liked their simple way of life, their love and acceptance of each other. I was touched when they gave thanks to God for their food and their thankful attitude towards life.

I was invited to attend church and when I entered the building I did not know the difference between a hymn book and a bible! Their way of worshipping God in songs was completely foreign to me but out of respect I observed and listened to the message. I was touched by the message of love and forgiveness, especially forgiving our enemies. I knew that I needed to forgive many people but due to the past suffering, the anger was justifying my unforgiveness. I really wanted to know the love of God deep in my heart and have a relationship with him as the Christian's claimed to have, as they called God 'Father'.

Through the church I met a Christian family who really loved and accepted me. I saw a love in their midst that I had not witnessed in the English culture. The warmth of their love towards a stranger like me was totally against their upper middle class English background and I knew it was their love for Jesus that made this difference.

In the year that followed, I went to the church many times and enjoyed their love for God, their efforts to be truthful, kind and good. I enjoyed their worship songs, but I would not sing it to Jesus, but God. I was convinced that they were mistaken regarding the person of Jesus Christ as the Son of God, but I appreciated their love for God.

Quite independently, my best friend was becoming interested in Christianity. She was invited to go to the Christian Union meeting and she did not want to go on her own. She asked me to accompany her and I reluctantly did go for the sake of my best friend. I did not intend to listen to the message or partake in the meeting in any way but as the preacher spoke I became more interested. He was talking about a parable Jesus had said; though I did not know it. It was the story of the sower, sowing seeds. Some of the seeds fell on the path and birds came and ate it up. Some seeds fell on the way side and grew quickly but because the roots were not deep, the plant withered away. Some seeds fell amongst the thorns and thistles and they stopped the plant from bearing fruit. Still other seeds fell on the good soil, the plant grew to bear fruit, 30%, 60% and even 100%. Then the preacher invited people to pray to Jesus in their hearts. I prayed and said "Jesus, I do not know you. These Christians say that you are God but I do not believe that. But if you prove that you are God, I will give my life to you."

For the following three weeks, I prayed as a Moslem, I prayed to God, I read the Koran and I read the Bible my friend had lent me. I decided that the important question that needs to be answered is about who Jesus really is. The Christians believed that Jesus is God who had come to the earth, lived a sinless life and died for us as a sacrificial lamb to forgive our sins and was raised again on the third day. The Moslems believed Jesus was another prophet but the final revelation was Islam revealed through the prophet Mohamad.

In my friend's Bible, the sayings of Jesus were written in red and I decided to concentrate on who Jesus is and only read what Jesus has said.

My first difficulty in trying to understand the Christian message was that I could not see my sinfulness. I could not see my need for a saviour neither could I see why Jesus had to pay for my sins. Surely we all sinned and somehow I had become blinded to my sins. I had learnt to live with my failings, justifying that we all say the odd lie or unkind thing but at least I did not kill, steal, etc. I failed to see that God is just and He in His justice will have to punish each and every sin. The sin that I had so easily disregarded, God in His absolute justice could not overlook. After all, if sovereign God overlooked sin, why shouldn't He overlook other people's sins and where does He draw the line and wherever He does, He would be unjust towards others.

I could not understand how Jesus could be God, but eventually decided that if God in His wisdom and ultimate power wanted to become a man, He could do that. But why should He come down to this earth?

I used to ask many questions about Jesus and Christianity and proceed to read the words of Jesus. One by one many of my questions were directly answered as I read Jesus' words. I distinctly remember that one night the response to my questions were so direct through my readings in the Bible that I threw the book away in amazement. I did not want to know the truth if the truth was different from what I knew in Islam. God had been good to me and my family and I did not want to turn my back on Him. Surely those who changed their religion from Islam were condemned to hell and why should I even consider any other religion since Islam was the final revelation of God. Looking into Christianity was to take a step back and settle for less than the final revelation of God and I had never heard of any Moslem who had become a Christian. But on the other hand, I wanted to know God even more intimately and I really did want to know the truth about Jesus.

These were very important questions and I knew that the answers to these questions would have eternal consequences. As a Moslem, I was very much aware of having to give an account to God for my life on the earth on Judgement Day and I did not want to make a mistake. I had started on a journey that determined my eternal destiny and the only thing I was sure about was that I did not want to go to hell!

That is why I decided to give my all to the pursuit of finding out the truth. For a period of three weeks I only did the minimum study at university and did not go out socialising. Instead, I prayed all the more earnestly as a Moslem and as I was going about my daily tasks, I would continually ask God to reveal the truth in my heart. I would read the saying of Jesus and sometimes the response to my questions would be answered immediately as I picked up the Bible.

These were days of great turmoil inside. I really enjoyed reading Jesus' words and found Him to make amazing statements such as "I am The Truth, The Way and The Life". I knew Jesus was not mad, nor did I believe that he would have lied in saying such boastful things, but was this really true? Certainly this is not the Jesus I had read in the Koran. Although Islam contributes amazing miracles to Jesus and believes in the supernatural conception of Jesus in Mary's womb, it obviously does not believe in Jesus being The way, The life and The truth.

I was also puzzled that if Christianity is so good, how come I have never heard of any Moslems becoming Christians.

But as the days passed, more and more I was amazed at the way the words of the Bible were talking to my heart. One Sunday I attended church while earnestly seeking to know the truth about Jesus and a passage was read from the Bible, my heart started beating very fast and tears rolled down my cheeks,. I just knew God was talking to me saying:

Fear not, my child. I have redeemed you, I have called you by name and you are mine.
When you pass through the waters I will be with you and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your saviour.

It was as if God had seen my searching heart and was showing me that He is present with me. For the first time the church felt like a safe haven and a home for my soul in the presence of the Lord. That night for the first time in my life I went forward after the service to ask for prayer. The Christians prayed for me and they had words of encouragement from God for me. It never ceases to amaze me how these Christians claim to hear from God but after prayer I was much more at peace and it was as if a heavy weight had been taken off my shoulders.

Another few more days passed and one morning while clearing my room, I picked up my (chadoor Namaz) and suddenly I remembered my promise to Jesus a few weeks before. I had said that if Jesus could prove Himself to be God, then I will give my life to Him and serve Him only. So I sat down and thought of the numerous times that God had used the Bible to answer my question. I really believed that Jesus was more than a man and even more than a prophet. I could also see that Jesus had not died by accident but that He had predicted His death many times before the crucifixion and He had died as The Ultimate Sacrificial Lamb of God for the forgiveness of sin. I could not really say I knew the complete message of Christianity, neither did I know much about Jesus Christ, but I believed Jesus to be the key or the door to getting to know God more intimately.

There in the privacy of my room I had a big choice to make. I could quietly turn my back on all that God had done in my heart and pretend nothing had happened and continue my life as a good Moslem who did no harm to anyone else. I knew that no one was really aware of my search into Christianity and that I was not obliged to pursue this search for God through Jesus any longer. But I also had the fear of God, I knew that on the judgement day, He would point out the number of times Jesus had answered my prayers in the last few weeks and taught me the way of love, forgiveness and life. I did not want to ignore God's work in my heart. I had become aware of my sinfulness, my deceitful heart and my unforgiving nature. It was up to me to decide to continue my sinful, unforgiving ways or do a U-turn, repent of my sins and follow Jesus' footsteps of love, forgiveness and mercy.

I knew in my heart that I could not lie to God, nor could I hide from Him. He had unmistakably changed my heart and shown me more of God's character, love and plan in the life of Jesus. I decided to follow Jesus regardless of the consequences and costs. As a final act of breaking away from Islam I decided to pray to God as a Moslem for the last time. I was coming to the end of my prayers when I started to shake and cry, my whole life passed before my eyes like a film and I could see God's hand through out my life. At the end of the prayer, I had absolute peace in my heart. It was a peace I have never known before in my life and I felt clean inside (all my sins were forgiven). It felt as if I had been unburdened of a heavy load, I felt light as if I could fly and I knew I had peace with God.

So I said to God, "Dear God, I do not leave you but I am coming to know you better through Jesus Christ"

In the sixteen years that have followed Jesus Christ as my Lord and saviour, I have come to know God as my best friend. I now can see that God's ways are not our ways and God's thought are not our thoughts. That is why it is hard for us to comprehend why God became a babe to live on the earth, to die and rise again.

Now as I read the Old Testament, I understand that the holy God can not tolerate sin and through one disobedience Adam and Eve lost the close relationship they had with God. I now see that no human being could conquer the common enemies we have such as Satan, sin, death, diseases, etc. That is why Jesus came to live a sinless life as a man, Jesus like any other person was tried by difficulties of life but He always did the Father's will, setting us an example. He also had to die to conquer Satan, sin and death and that is why he rose again on the third day as the foretaste of all who will rise to life after death.

Jesus also said that it is better for Him to go to heaven, so that the Holy Spirit can be sent to live in our hearts. I love the mystery of God's Holy and precious Spirit living in the true believers of Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit lives in me, He helps me to live my life as Jesus wants me to live, He gives me the love and the power to aim to live my life by God's standard and resist sin. I fall short of God's standard of perfection a lot and constantly have to ask God to forgive me and help me but I know His love and fatherhood.

In a world full of selfishness, hatred and sin, I know that Jesus is the only way which washes a person from within, dealing with our sinful and proud hearts first. As Jesus said to the religious leaders of His day: "You clean the outside of the cup. clean the inside and the outside takes care of itself".

The cleansing process is only possible by God's Holy Spirit moving in our inner being. I believe that we are sinful by nature and as much as we want to please God, we can not do so without God's provision of the blood of Jesus Christ (the sacrificial lamb of heaven) and the help of the Holy Spirit.

I want to thank God for all that He has done in my life, saving me from many troubles, sparing my life, changing my heart so that I can love and not hate. I thank God that He has advised me many times to act, say and think in ways totally contradictory to my ways or the world around me, but the fruit of His ways have always brought much joy, love, peace and abundant life.

Walking with Christ moment by moment is not an easy task, Jesus Himself said, "If you want to follow me, you must carry your cross and die to yourself continually". In another passage Jesus says "He who wants to find his life will lose it but he who loses his life for my sake will find it". I want my life's testimony to be that Jesus is not only my saviour who died to save me but that Jesus is my Lord and I want to follow Jesus and live according to His instructions in my life.

I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection, the fellowship of sharing in His suffering, becoming like Him in His death and so somehow to attain to the resurrection from the dead.